My love, my sweet, my sunshine in the dark, I love you, I miss you, forever....

Tittle: In a State like Insomnia
Chapter: 1
Pairings: Eunhae, Kihae, Eunmin, mention of Kyumin
Rating: PG-13
Genre: Angst
Summary: Kibum has always, always loved Donghae. But Donghae loves Eunhyuk. Broken between happiness for his friend and jealousy towards Eunhyuk. But is Eunhyuk really THE ONE for Donghae or really just a playmate? Will Kibum dare to venture into something more intimate and intense than his friendship with Donghae? Will his strength be enough to brace him for rejection?
Disclaimer: Super Junior is mine   I wish

Kibum's POV
Don't you ever get the feeling where you're not the only one? Where you're never left alone in the dark awaiting failure? Where you truly knew what joy and happiness was? Well I did once....When I met him.....But my efforts were rejected again, again & again instead we remained the greatest of all friends, yet he still is ignorant of my feelings towards him...Feelings that not only started from first sight, but continues to grow with endless devotion, refusing to stop no matter how hard I tried. As my lips are sealed shut, I watch from the sidelines of his utter love for another, as my life spirals downwards...

I guess that was my mistake.........

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" Hey baby," said Eunhyuk as he slipped in the seat next to his lover Donghae and wrapped his arm around Hae's waist protectively.

Kibum sitting at the opposite side of Donghae looked away, in a way that could be mistaken as respect towards his friend's privacy with his lover. However, it was because of the pain it caused him , tormenting his suppressed feelings. He tried to smile for the benefit of his friend but it came out as a grimace. However the couple failed to notice and continued their lovey-dovey ' we're the only ones in each others eyes'  dreamy gaze. When all of a sudden, Eunhyuk looked at Kibum and smirked for a split second, eyes as cold as ice,  as if flaunting over the fact that he has Hae, beckoning and telling Kibum he has no chance whatsoever.

Kibum backs away and rushes out of the door yet Donghae hasn't even noticed that Kibum had gone, enthralled in Eunhyuk's deep brown eyes, lost in a forever sinking depth of wonder. When after what seems like eternity, Eunhyuk lowered his lips on Donghae, cupping Donghae's chin in his hand and raised it up so that they were staring deep into each others eyes. Donghae stood there frozen, as if in a trance. Eunhyuk stared at him questioningly, he expected Donghae to kiss back, but he was surprised when he didn't. Donghae paused, something was wrong, something seemed different, maybe it was just his mind playing tricks on him. He reluctantly started to return Eunhyuk's kiss.

Donghae didn't like the taste of the kiss at all. Kissing Eunhyuk seemed lifeless, there was no more thrill when Eunhyuk kissed him, no fireworks going off, the kiss absolutely and completely lacking passion. Donghae didn't understand, he loved Eunhyuk, why was this kiss so cold, lifeless, like kissing marble. Eventually, Donghae couldn't stand it anymore and gently pushed him away, declining the comforting warmth of Eunhyuk's caress or at least what use to be warm and comforting. He turned, muttered something incoherent and rushed out of the room.

Leaving Eunhyuk staring at the door, where Donghae once was, he sighed and shrugged. Not even pondering over why Donghae left in a hurry, for usually Donghae and he would be at it for hours beyond end. He turns and leaves the room. He walked across the hallway of Suju dorm and stopped at Sungmin's dorm. He rapped on it softly yet sharply. "Coming," came a sweet singsong voice, otherwise known as Sungmin's.

Eunhyuk knew that Sungmin would most likely invite him in, he also knew that Kyuhyun would be held up in traffic till the early hours of morning for he had changed the address route of Kyuhyun's destination, causing him to be lost and only route out would be a heavily trafficed area. He stepped into Sungmin's dorm, the sweet smell of carnations welcoming his arrival. Sungmin stared up at Eunhyuk's face and said ," Hyung? Come in, please come in."

Eunhyuk smiles a secret smile and steps in, closing the door while he was at it. " Sungmin, ah my little Sungmin, how absolutely ravishing you look this evening, were you waiting for me sweet Sungmin?" Eunhyuk cooed huskily, in a voice deeper than his own, advancing upon his prey, each step bringing him closer.

Sungmin's previously welcoming face now covered with absolute fear. He backed away from Eunhyuk till finally his back hit against the wall of his dorm. Eunhyuk took hold of both of Sungmin's arms and pinned them against the wall as he forcefully started to kiss the cowering Sungmin. Sungmin couldn't help but gasp at the intensity of the kiss. That sole action alone gave Eunhyk the opportunity to slide his tongue into Sungmin's warm mouth, exploring the deep cavern and enjoying the exquisite taste that Sungmin's mouth had to offer. Sungmin whimpered in fear, disgusted at the mere harsh breathing of Eunhyuk against his neck.

Sungmin attempted to push Eunhyuk away. But his grips on his arms were strong and it tightened around his slim wrist till it hurt. Sungmin cried out. Sungmin hung helplessly and limply in Eunhyuk's arm, hope of escape all gone. When suddenly Eunhyuk's tight grasp of him ceased to exist. He looked up with shameful eyes to find Kyuhyun standing intimidately over Eunhyuk, hands balled up to fist, threatening to lash out any minute, eyes filled to the brim with anger directed at Eunhyuk. He wondered whether he should beat Eunhyuk up into a bloody pulp like he was replaying in his mind. But instead he strolled over to Sungmin's side and wrapped his arms around Sungmin's waist, claiming his as his own as Sungmin curled up against Kyuhyun , soaking Kyuhyun's shirt in the process of drying his tears. " You, stay away from MY Minnie or you WILL live to regret it!" Kyuhyun shouted in a voice with barely contained anger as he said in a voice so brutal and brusque that it felt like it was a slap across your face with each passing word.

Eunhyuk merely stood up, shrugged and left. Not even a slight twinge of guilt or even a sign of a guilty conscience dawned on his smooth face. Outside, he reminisces of the unique taste of Sungmin, wanting more. He grinned and chuckled silently as he strode back to his own dorm. He didn't notice a shadowy figure lurking in a the darkness, a figure that knew much too much for his own good, a shadowy figure that was shocked beyond belief of what it had just witnessed. Watching as Eunhyuk left with much disgust.

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He couldn’t even imagine how even Eunhyuk could stoop so low. Even he, as much as he wanted Donghae, he wouldn’t even wish for this to befall on Donghae. Apparently, being was Donghae only resulted because he imagined he should duel with Kibum for Donghae’s feelings. So all those smirk gazes and sly gestures were merely to irritate Kibum and provoke him with a high amount of gesture. To put it shortly, he USED Donghae! And he WOULD pay dearly for that.gesture.]

“ Kibum, what should I do? I can’t bear to break up with him!He’s my entire life! Yet, he cheated on me!” Donghae whispered hoarsely, his voice breaking.

“ You shouldn’t let him control you Hae, he’s only leading you on, loving him would only cause more unneeded pain and misery to you. You should find someone that truly and deeply loves you,” Kibum said gently, ruffling Donghae’s hair affectionately. Like me….Donghae!!!! Look up and see me for something more than just a friend please!!!!!

“ Thanks Kibum…I really appreciate your advice. I wouldn’t know what I’d do without you. Thank you, you’re a really great friend, I hope that nothing will ever change it,” Donghae murmured softly, taking firm hold of Kibum’s hand. Wetting his hand with salty tears.

“Just a friend….Nothing will ever change….” Those words rang and echoed in his head repeating like a broken record. He ignored it, he ignored his own agonizing torment and breaking heart to mend and seal Donghae’s broken heart.

Donghae, although broken caught a glimpse of Kibum’s eyes glaze over with sadness for a fraction of a second. “ Kibum? What’s wrong?” Donghae asked softly, his brow furrowed with worry.

“ Nothing, it’s nothing,” he said quickly, mentally beating himself up to let his true feelings seep through his outer shield.

Donghae’s frowned even more, a cute confused look plastered his face, not truly convinced by Kibum’s words. But he merely nodded and decided to believe Kibum, after all he owed him that much after how he’d help him.

Eunhyuk was in his own dorm when he heard a gently yet sharp rapping on the door. “ That must be Donghae finally coming to welcome him home,” muttered Eunhyuk under his breathe, smirking as he thought how jealous Kibum was just moments ago, smirking because he had managed to capture Donghae’s heart and have him falling all over him like a dog to his master, lapping all over his shoes. He really couldn’t see what attraction that was so huge that attracted Kibum to Donghae like glue. He knew that Donghae was cute but Eunhyuk thought that he was an even bigger hot shot than him.

He opened the door and smiled warmly at the petite frame of Donghae, welcoming him in. “ We need to talk Eunhyuk,” Donghae said quietly, eyes downcast.

Eunhyuk looked at Donghae in a queer expression, wondering what was up, waiting silently and patiently for Donghae to continue and to get it over with. “ Eunhyuk, I saw you kiss Sungmin, please tell me what is going on! Please tell me it was all a mistake,” Donghae cried.

Eunhyuk face remained unmoved, expressionless. “ Why can’t I?” Eunhyuk asked.

“ Because… Don’t you care about us Eunhyuk? At all?,” Donghae said softly, not wanting to attract unneeded attention.

“ There was never an us Donghae, it was only you with benefits, are you that blind?” Eunhyuk said, uncaring and stonily.

“ Eunhyuk???!!!! Please say this is a joke. Please!,” Donghae whispered, his voice cracking, tears beginning to brim and blind his eyes.

“ You are such a baby. I can’t take this anymore. I’m dumping you, goodbye and good riddance,” Eunhyuk said coldly.

Donghae stared with saddened eyes, till he turned and ran like a deer being hunted and stalked. Life has lost all meaning.

Donghae cried in a state like insomnia

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The Next Morning:

“ Come on everyone, hurry up, we have a busy schedule ahead of us, except for Donghae and Kibum, they earned themselves a day off this past week,” said Leeteuk, brown eyes shining.

Everyone chorused a groan, silently cursing. Eventually, they packed up and left. Leaving Donghae and Kibum in their dorm.

Kibum said to Donghae, “ Are you okay now?”

“ Yea I’m fine, thanks,” said Donghae. Then he pouted,” Except we don’t have any more food left for Heebum and Yesung’s turtle. Could you get some please?”

Donghae used the full effect of his puppy dog eyes on Kibum. “ Will you be okay by yourself?” Kibum asked.

Donghae nodded happily. Kibum reluctantly got up and said gently, “ I’ll be back soon, okay?”

Donghae smiled “ Kay.”

Kibum grabbed his wallet and went out of the dorm. Donghae waited until he heard another door slam signaling Kibum’s departure before he took out his cell phone and stared typing. He waited a few moments before he sent it.

*blip

The message was sent to it’s recipient.

Donghae smiled wanly, his eyes resumed to how it was yesterday, full of hurt.

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Nol choum bon sungan a miracle (a miracle)
I love you baby and I'm never gonna stop

Kibum's phone rang, miracle ringing out. He paused to check the sms.

Dear Kibum,

I’m sorry for tricking you like that. Please find a space in your heart to forgive me after this. I will always remember you, always. Please always remember me too. I’ll miss you Kibum. Goodbye for the last time…

Love,
Donghae

"What does he mean goodbye for the last time? Wait, no, he wouldn’t,” Kibum wondered out lot.

He raced through the busy streets of Seoul, disobeying many traffic rules along the way. He didn’t care, he just needed Donghae to be okay. If anything happened to him….If anything, he’ll go that way too, he’ll follow Donghae to the ends of the earth if he had do.

"Donghae......" Kibum shouted, many people turned to stare at him as if he was a lunatic, a maniac, crazy. Yet he couldn't care less. In fact no one on earth could care less than Kibum.

Overhead, dark ominous clouds gathered, clustering together.

“ Goodbye world,” Donghae whispered in the dorm.

He took out a knife, it glinted, shining brightly, reflecting every single shade of light. It seemed as if it was glowing, light shimmering, gleaming around it. He gazed adoringly around at the dorm. It would be the last thing he would see. Tears spilled over his eyelids, blurring his sights. Since yesterday, his future had looked bleak….Too bleak. He couldn’t stand it anymore.

This is the right choice, this is what I want, this is what will be, this is the way to go…

He closed his eyes, flashes of happy memories not tainted by even the slightest thought of worry or spite.

This is what can’t be changed…

He lifted the knife, admiring its skilled craftwork. Watching the light stenciling through the window bounce of the glinting handicraft, glittering. His eyes closed for supposedly the last time.

This is my route to hope…

“ Donghae!!!!” Kibum shouted, catching sight of the knife in Donghae’s hand. Donghae appeared not to hear. Unmoving, is he even breathing?

This is meant to be…

A faint pulse fluttered, ready to die, maybe it did.

This is I…

Maybe he was too late…

This is death...

Or maybe he wasn’t…

That night Kibum cried in a state like insomnia...


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Note:
I'm sorry if there's any spelling or grammar errors in this fic.
Livejournal cut is bullying me...
Gosh I'm easy to bully XD
Anyway hope you enjoyed it...